Last comes marriage

The following is a conversation between a guy on Facebook and my friend, A...

A: I hate weddings. (I second that notion.)

Romantic Guy: dam lie. Your only saying that because you aint the one in it. i am theortically deeply saddened

A: uh, no way. I really hate them. I hate everything about them. They're a waste of money and just made into something so trivial these days. Marriage? That's different.

Romantic Guy: I feel dat. real talk

A: I don't see myself getting married until the next decade..sorry

Romantic Guy: in real talk u dont know when or IF you will EVERRR get married. You could get married next year and you won't have a choice cuz when the good loving hit you... there can be no turning back

A: I might be in love next year (though I seriously doubt it), but marriage isn't about love. Marriage is about sharing a life with somebody else. I don't care how in love I am, I'm not ready to share my life with anyone anytime soon

Romantic Guy: Marriage isnt about love? what is love to you?

A: I don't know what love is. I just know a marriage that's based only on love won't ever last. Marriage isn't a decision based on emotions. It's a practical decision

Romantic Guy: what do u mean by love has nothin to do with marriage?
first time i hearin dat wii

A: it doesn't. Like I said, marriage should be a decision based not on emotions, but a practical decision. romantic love fizzles...changes...evolves. A marriage that's based on the initial love will die. You can't just love someone. You have to be a match, compatiable in more ways than romantically or sexually. Finanacially...you have to want to share your life with them, the good, bad and ugly. that's a whole lot more than love

Romantic Guy: well with the financial vibez i hav a problem thats why i love my independent women. dey doh want my shit but anyways the point i makin here is love is not just an emotion its a connection. the bobol thing they showing on tv isnt love. women say dey want love but what they really want is u to give dem stuff. now i doh have a problem with that its when ur the one who always gives then deres a problem

A: oh please that's such BS. If you think that's what women want then you're messing with the wrong women. No, girls. not women. No woman wants you to give her stuff before she wants your love. And what, what's a connection? Emotional attachment

Romantic Guy: what?!! u serious??!!! News to my ears. you maybe right I mussi been around th ewrong women in the Caribbean, and in the United States. maybe i should try england

A: women will use you, I'm not saying that they won't. But only if you let them It doesn't matter where you go. Women are women. Period. You just have to stop looking for the wrong things in women.

Romantic Guy: so what are the right things in women? you see you keep putting the blame on fellaz like me but what you dont see is we already know what we want

A: there is no general answer. You first have to get to know yourself. Then you can figure out what fits/suits you the best.

Romantic Guy: I am the type of guy that will never front for you. I say it like it is most women I have been with or acquainted in have 1 thing in common when they like u whatever u like or say u like they like it to yet they asking for a real man and they themselves not real.

A: that's the wrong type of girl to mess with then

Romantic Guy: i suspect u must go on Dr. Phil or Oprah(I must first get to know myself... lol i like u) (Well, you knew that was coming, right? Not bad transition, but come on, guys. Stop with the lol's. Confidence will get you everywhere.)

Just when you thought every post would be about a guy coming onto me...

I have to give Romantic Guy his props. I mean, at least he's not a commitment-phobe, which is so much harder to cure, believe me. But he needs a wake-up call (and I'm sure he got it) from reality: Money problems, lack of sex, infidelity, unemployment, divorce—that's the shit married people have to deal with. Love is what brings a couple to marriage; compromise, friendship, trust, communication (yes, fighting) is what keeps them married.

Too easy

January 13, 2010
Easy Guy: hey hun ...how are u ??

Easy Guy: Hey wassup.?

November 1, 2010
Easy Guy: happy bday hun hmu=)
973-785-4354 (Thank you—how generous of you! Really. What am I supposed to do with that? I hope he didn't really expect me to call him.) (No, that is not his real number.)

Me: thank you (It was only polite.)

Easy Guy: noprob...can i expect a text? (I don't know this guy, never met him. And as of this point, he had given me no reason to want to know him. Why would I text him? Just because he wished me a happy Birthday?)

September 16, 2011
Easy Guy: hey wassup?

September 28
Easy Guy: i love you hair curly

Me: thanks. me too

Easy Guy: lol how many compliments u get a day

Me: lol too many...because i don't think i'm worthy of at least half of them

Easy Guy: wow u deff are though
u prob overlook all of them nd just say thanks

Me: thank you...yea thats what i do lol

Easy Guy: not cool lol...i really dnt like giving compliments because of tht

Me: i know...I always feel bad, but its hard to accept compliments when u don't feel them yourself, but you should always give compliments to women, sometimes it makes their day

Easy Guy: well how bout you make my day, by letting me make the rest of your days (Okay...yeah. How about no? Seriously, guys, you've got to come stronger than that. Besides being completely and embarrassingly cheesy, it's pretty pathetic.)

September 29
Easy Guy: goodafternoon gorgeous. (This is where I decided to end my conversation with him. Not because he was particularly annoying or rude—as most guys usually become after about 2-3 minutes of the back and forth—I was just bored.)

October 1
Easy Guy: morning cutie

Easy Guy likes things easy. Well, as I've stated before, I like men who chase.

Served straight up

September 8, 2009
Passive Guy: It's gotta be those lips...After looking at you I realized it must be more than meets the eyes. I was right. I can tell from the books you read and your demeanor that you know how to carry yourself. YOU'RE not just a pretty face. That's the sexiest part about you.

Me: that's one of the nicest compliments i've get gotten (I'm sure I meant to put ever gotten)

September 9
Passive Guy: Truthfullness. Well I'm just glad you are mature enough to appreciate a compliment it says a lot about you. You seem interesting to me. You never know.

September 10
Passive Guy: yuurp! whats up little lady?


You never know? That's it? Started strong, but left me hanging at the end. Wonderful foreplay, but couldn't bring me to orgasm. Why would I want to talk to you again? Don't tell me you're waiting on me to make the first real move?

Passive Guy needs to take some hints from Honest Guy. If you want something, then ask, and be clear. Don't be docile, leave that up for the girls. Such approaches may work 1 time out of 100, which makes for pretty poor odds. Evidently...

I love a real man's man, a man that is not afraid to chase after a woman, but knows when she's not interested and pulls back accordingly. Call me old fashioned (I don't care), but I love to see a man courting a woman, pulling out her chair as she goes to sit down, standing up when she leaves or approaches the table, paying for dinner (especially on the first date).

Men like that have good orgasms. And often. Its simple: Cater to a girl and treat her like a lady and she'll be more than willing to cater to her man.

Selling yourself

February 24, 2010
Honest Guy: goodmorning i think ur pretty

Me: thanks

Honest Guy: i wanna noe if we can talk sometime if thats ok with u

I like Honest Guy. He's straight to the point, much like Player Guy, who I'll introduce later. He doesn't try too hard and he knows girls get turned off when guys are too pushy and aggressive. But, perhaps, he doesn't try hard enough, and maybe his chastened approach stems from shyness. If you want to get to know a girl and you want her to want to get to know you, then you've got to give her a reason to want to get to know you.

Did you follow me there? Good.

Simply telling a girl that you think she's pretty doesn't tell her anything about yourself and what you can offer her. This message is just like if you were to send out a cover letter to a company that you'd like to work for and just put:

Hi. My name is Honest Guy and I really like your company and would like to work for you.

Not gonna get very far with that. Actually, you'll get practically nowhere. Rather, something like this may work better:

Hi. My name is Honest Guy. I've flipped through your profile pictures and I think you're pretty. (This is where you tell a little about yourself (besides the obvious things that I can find out by looking at your profile page) and what you're looking for, but don't be arrogant or demanding. That turns girls, especially me, off. Aim for confident, yet objective.) Hope to hear from you.

Premature ejaculation

Sorry to disappoint you, but this is not a post that is going to detail a story about a guy who couldn't control his need to orgasm, however the issue up for discussion has the same concept and is nearly as frustrating: guys who give it all up too soon before they know me.

September 13, 2011
Fast Guy: Hey... question! ahhh i just wanted to kno if it was u i seen a while back, on Main St. i was with my lil sister. was it you?

September 13
Me: maybe...at the bank? (Which was a total, complete guess.)

September 14
Fast Guy: Yyyyeess... i feel like a fool, because i sent something to [someone else] thinking it was you... smh at my self... (Strike number one.)

September 14
Fast Guy: i feel awkward sending it to u now, but it was initially 4 u... (Paradox) Excuse me gorgeous!!! But I must say that Your pic’s are looking so Flawless, no You’re devastatingly obvious, no captivating. Hey devastating I’ve been fixating mustered up words to spark conversation. You’re a muse, you bring new inspiration. You seem enlightening so illuminate the tips of music, guys, anything that you like, dislike, plz!!! lets make conversation. (Yeah...took me a couple of re-reads to get that last part.)

it lost its meaning thw because it should of been meaningful to u you sparked my intrest that day at the bank. (Hon, I'm not sure where you were going with this, but it obviously wasn't anywhere near my good side.)

Just imagine this guy in bed...

No girl wants that.

P.S. Guys, if you are going to put the effort into a message, please try to be (somewhat) grammatically correct. I am not suggesting that you have to spell out every single word; it is Facebook. Text vernacular is perfectly acceptable (especially for instant chat), however if your goal is to impress and girl and receive a response, then you might want to spend a little extra time making sure that your message is clear enough for a girl to understand what you're trying to say.

P.P.S. I get that you are excited, and that you want me to know how you really feel about me, but high libido and horniness does not equal satisfaction when it comes to intimacy/sex. However, what generally always works (in both cases) is a little sweet talk, patience and the right pacing.

To much too soon

December 1, 2009
Eager Guy: Psst... Psst Hello There lovely and thank you very much for approving my friend request ..I hope you are enjoying this wonderful night so far.. My name is Ricardo but you may just call me Rico for short..I am really looking forward to getting to know you very well as my new friend ..WOW I gotta admit you are one beautiful looking female and whatever man that's in your life currently should not only be thankful to GOD for blessing him but for also allowing him to be in the company of such a lovely looking female.. He needs to get on his knees each and every day and thank GOD for such a GIFT that you are.. Well I'm sorry for talking your head off.. But I do at times get a little carry away when in typing.. Feel free to ask me anything that you may want to know about me ok.. I keep it honest and 100 at all times.. So if you don't mind, can you tell me a litt

August 1
Eager Guy: psst can i have ur babies?

September 15
Eager Guy: psst lets get married!

September 22
Eager Guy: psst..gm

There's not much I can say about this one. I think he's said it all. Quite frankly, these are the types of messages that makes you seem desperate. Desperate guys have low standards and they don't require a lot from the girls they date. I understand that you may have been attracted to me when you glanced at my profile picture(s) and trust me, I really do appreciate the nice things that were said (and that you were respectful and sweet), but the fact is that you do not know me. I could have put someone else's picture up and be butt-ugly in person; So, don't do it (even if you are desperate). Take it slow.

Example:

Hello There lovely. I hope you are enjoying this wonderful night so far. My name is Ricardo. I am really looking forward to getting to know you. I gotta admit you are one beautiful looking female. Feel free to ask me anything that you may want to know about me.

This would have sufficed and if I was interested in getting to know you, then I would have replied something like this:

Thank you for the compliments, hon. You're really sweet and I think you're interesting. I would like to get to know you better. Hit my inbox up when you're free.

Clueless

July 11, 2010
Persistent Guy: damn,u sexy ass hell.hows ur day? (okay, I love compliments, but you must to be a gentleman to attract a lady.)

July 22, 2010
Persistent Guy: wassup,i been hitting u up,u aint never answer me (Note to guys. Yes you. All of you. Get your pens and sheets of paper out: if a girl is not responding to you, then that does not mean try harder. There is nothing wrong with Facebook, or your Internet connection. We are just not that into you. It's called subtlety, but we'll get into that more a little later.)

July 24, 2010
Persistent Guy: where u went? (As if I was ever with him.)

May 26, 2011
Persistent Guy: hey checkout my new song,on my page,comment (Never did get around to listening to his track.)

June 5, 2011
Persistent Guy: did u listen my new song? (Felt kind of bad, since I try to always support new, upcoming artists.)

August 18, 2011
Persistent Guy: sup? how u been?

September 11, 2011
Persistent Guy: sup beautiful?

Okay, in all honestly, I have no beef with Persistent Guy. I respect and appreciate his hustle, as I truly wish more guys would be more assertive when approaching girls. He tries, and tries, and tries and he doesn't give up until he is satisfied (perhaps, this is a strength and a weakness of his). While his endurance is attractive, after I've ignored him about seven times, not responding to any of his messages, I thought he would have gotten the hint—that I was not interested.

Well, I thought wrong.

He didn't get the hint. I was annoyed at this point and, honestly, the more he hit me up, the more he looked like a complete fool in my mind.

I have always struggled with this and the mind debate going on in my head has been left open. I still have yet to decide which is the best and right thing to do. Maybe you have some advice for me.

Should a girl, who is not interested in going out, having sex, even using a guy (for whatever she wants to use him for—money, orgasm, whatever—tell him, with brutal honesty, that she is simply not interested, even if the guy has only said hi (numerous times?), so as to not lead him on, in any kind of way? Or should she be polite and have a conversation with the guy—it was hard enough for him to say something, it's the least she can do—and then let him down gently?

I mean, really, I have struggled with this and I have tried both of the above mentioned ways, which leaves me even more confused. Whenever I've told guys upfront (nicely) that I wasn't interested, that he should, perhaps, try his luck with another girl, they get defensive, start saying rude things—of course, because their egos are shattered a bit. They call me mean, and, in an attempt to insult me, they tell me that this is the reason why I am single and that being this way, I will never get a man. I say attempt, because pointing out that I am single is the furthest thing from an insult; I enjoy my solidarity—no, really, I do. I can just sense some of you rolling their eyes, thinking to yourselves, the only reason why I am saying this is because I've been hurt, dumped, done wrong by a man, and claiming that I am happy being single is merely a defense mechanism so that my feelings aren't hurt—which is why I've made the conscious choice.

I've also taken the other route—playing along and engaging in friendly conversation, trying my best to sound as unattractive as possible, responding with one-word answers, mentioning that I like being single or lying and telling them that I already have a boyfriend, hoping that they will loose interest and forget about me. To my surprise, every single one of these tactics had me ended up in the dog house. And, worst of all, perhaps, is that when I've lied about being in a relationship, that seemed to pique their interest even more. What is it with guys and being faithful? They seem to see it as an accomplishment to bed a girl who is pursued by other guys, including those girls who are in relationships already. That's the way to hook a girl, real smooth.

A girl just can't win. Either way she's doomed. Or maybe I am the one doing things wrong. Let me know what you think.